I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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