I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My vagina just recognized that song.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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