Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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