don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Drunk is a universal language darling
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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