so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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