could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
