Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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