Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
NoShamevember. You game?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
