We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
