508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
