i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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