Apparently you make a good broom.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
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I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
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I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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