Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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