Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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