I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
