This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
