my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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