If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
