So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
