I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
