that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
the raccoons are back...
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