I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
