I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
