i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
