I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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