pedialite and red bull = repair kit
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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