i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
