The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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