I want you more than these girls want KFC
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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