I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
