Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
