At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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