My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
