Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
