The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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