All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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