You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
40s are totally the cure
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
