just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
