I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
