You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
