your parents love me but you hate me
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
