oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I will pee on everything he values.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
