The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
me + whiskey = a bad person
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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