Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I did not marry a roomba.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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