I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
