I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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