dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
