You're my little dorito
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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