grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
