The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
