i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
