Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
