You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
