drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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