it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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