Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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