ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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