i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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