Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
