1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
