I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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